


Way Round We Go

by orphan_account



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-10-10 23:46:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10450242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A collaboration with paragonless-feathers. She'd make an image then I'd continue the story through text, image, text, etc.Raph and Leo try to heal the emotional and physical wounds inflicted upon them while Leo was brainwashed by Kitsune. (Dark Leo in IDW) Warnings: mutilation





	1. Chapter 1

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was getting colder. December in New York was beautiful, in some ways, but rarely did Raphael get to see it. If he saw the gigantic holiday tree in Times Square, it was from afar during a patrol. If he saw the snow, it was only after it had melted into gray sludge and oozed down the storm drains. Even now, outside of the sewers, Raph didn’t have an opportunity to look. It was getting colder and Leo was shivering, and Raph wasn’t willing to untangle himself from his brother and the thin blanket shielding his cold blood from the encroaching chill. 

  
Tomorrow would be a traveling day and worse; Raph could smell the moisture in the air and he didn’t look forward to trudging through it, to carrying Leo on his shell if his brother wasn’t coherent enough to walk by morning. The battle to get here had taken much from Leo, physically and spiritually. 

  
It had taken a lot from Raph, too but he was trying not to think about that. None of this was Leo’s fault. It was the Shredder’s and that damn fox. They had done this to Leo, and they had done this to him. Perhaps he should be more upset with Leo, hold him accountable in some small part, at least, for what had happened, but when he looked down at Leo shaking underneath him, all the ire he could muster fizzled out or redirected tenfold back to the Shredder. This was his fault. And if not the Shredder’s …

Then it was Raph’s, because Leo would have never been taken by the Foot in the first place if it weren’t for Raph, for his temper and his lack of control. His fury had enabled Leo to be captured, brainwashed, turned into someone and something he wasn’t, to hurt their father in ways he never would have otherwise. All of that, ultimately, was Raph’s fault and he knew that. He accepted it and he’d have to deal with it, have to answer for it somehow, but survival was the primary concern of the moment. 

  
It was unlikely that they were being pursued, but Raph didn’t want to linger. He had no way to call his family for help and no way to communicate the need, even if he had. Whether it was physical or emotional pain keeping Leo under, Raph figured he’d be in charge of their journey home, where Leo could get the medical attention he desperately needed. Nuzzling his brother’s cool flesh, Raph cracked open his beak a fraction, warm breath condensing on Leo’s cheek, and leaned down to lap at the blood drying over the mottled flesh of his arm. 

  
Reality crushed him like a garbage truck compacting. He couldn’t lick Leo, soothe him that way, or relate his care and affection in the admittedly animalistic way that they had favored. He’d licked Leo before. He’d been licked by Leo almost as often. They’d touched tongues when they bit each other’s beak, caressed hot, needy flesh with the flat of their tongues, traced every dip and curve of muscle on each other’s bodies with the tip. 

  
But that wasn’t going to happen. Raph couldn’t do that. Not anymore. It was ironic, perhaps, but all he could think about when he looked at Leo was how sad he was to not be able to touch him in that way any longer. His own well being was forgotten in favor of the deep sense of loss permeating his being; he’d never get to kiss Leo with depth again. He’d never be able to bring him to ecstasy with his mouth again, to taste his blood or come or the salt of his skin. He’d never even be able to say his name again.

  
“Leo,” He tried, but it was garbled, unintelligible, and Raph flushed darkly, grateful that Leo appeared to be too out of it to respond, to comprehend Raph’s incomprehensible speech. 

  
Sleep was difficult to achieve but Raph tried, drifted in and out of nightmares inside the rattle of Leo’s arms as they wrapped around one another, a tangle of limbs as Raph rubbed his face compulsively over Leo’s cheeks and neck, pushing their beaks together and resting his forehead on Leo’s as he struggled to find sleep or peace or anything other than the sick, clenching pain in his stomach and heart. It seemed like he had only just closed his eyes when the first rays of light broke through the gray winter sky and Leo shifted underneath him. 

  
Leo blinked a few times, his head still fogged from the lingering effects of Kitsune’s spell. Placing himself took longer than he was comfortable with but as he felt the familiar heft of Raph’s limbs and smelled the sweet spice of his scent, he remembered. He remembered … and he wanted to die with the shame of those memories, the burden they presented to his psyche, of what he had done, the things he had said under the Shredder’s influence. He had hurt Raph, his lover, his mate, hurt him in ways that he could never reconcile. He thought he remembered Raph calling for him last night, but it was a haze in his mind, snarled up like everything from the past weeks and tears prickled Leo’s eyes.

  
What had he done? How could he ever be redeemed for this? He was sorry. It couldn’t encompass the depth of shame for what he had done, and Leo hung his head in despair. Sorry. Raph deserved so much more than that. He had always deserved more than Leo could give him, but he’d tried, he’d dedicated himself to his mate as he did his art, and all that had come of it was pain. He’d failed. He’d tried, and he had failed. He wasn’t fit to grovel at Raph’s feet, much less speak to him like a brother, like an equal.

  
“Raph…” he began, searching for the words that he didn’t deserve to say.


	3. Chapter 3

 


	4. Chapter 4

There was nothing to say. Nothing that Leo could express could make what had transpired between himself and his mate disappear, nor was he sure anything could soothe the gaping chasm bleeding beneath his plastron. Every struggle for breath, every flex of Raph’s jaw as he adjusted to the new contents of his mouth, every bloody stream of saliva spit onto the pavement as they traveled tore another piece of Leo’s heart out.

For his part, Raphael said nothing. Of course he didn’t; he couldn’t speak, Leo was sure. The stub in his mouth was swollen and angry, seeping still and causing him pain, even if Raph was too proud to admit it. He didn’t have to; Leo knew what Raph looked like in pain. He knew the set of his shoulders, the drawing of his brow, the way his nails curled into his palms.

It was all Leonardo’s fault. Failure after failure compounded and sat within Raphael’s empty mouth. Dreams plagued him the weeks he stayed with the Foot, with Shredder and Karai over his shoulder at every move. Closing his eyes brought visions of his mother, of his brothers, his father, and now he couldn’t really be surprised that Raph came for him. Alone, no plan, no back-up, just the idea to break into the Foot’s fortress and drag Leo out with him. 

Such a foolhardy and reckless plan was just like Raph, and Leo had always warned him that he would end up in a situation beyond his control and things would get sticky. Leo never imagined he’d be on the other end of it, but he’d evenly met Raph’s furious gaze in that dungeon and asked him who he was, why he looked like Leo, and, implicitly, why Leo was dreaming of him.

Raph only told him the truth. Leo was his brother. Leo was his mate. Raph wanted him to come home. This is no place for you, he had said. Disgusted, Leo accused him of lying, of being a pervert, filth, and that he expected no better from an animal who had been raised by Hamato Yoshi. Cruel, horrible things had fallen from Leo’s tongue but Raph never wavered, never changed his story, and finally Leo’s addled mind spurred him to slice the offending tongue right out of Raphael’s head so that he could never tell another lie.

As long as he lived, Leonardo would never forgive himself for the things that he had said and done to Raphael that night. For this life and the next and every subsequent, the shame and dishonor would pulse through his very blood, etched into the vessels of his heart.

Raph needed help now, and it was difficult for both of them to navigate the physical and emotional pain of this new disability. Eating, they’d discovered, was painful and awkward both, and Raph choked twice on the old bread Leo found before finally allowing Leo to mash it up for him and carefully push the paste into his throat.

They traveled in silence, each caught in their own thoughts as they dragged through fatigued bodies and spirits through the shadows of New York City until reaching a familiar back alley. Raph lifted the manhole cover, motioning for Leo to drop down first and Leo complied, his eyes lowered as he brushed past Raphael.

Home. It was so close now. It was almost a reality. He’d see his brothers again, his … his father. He’d said awful things to all of them, though none suffered as Raphael had. It came from loving Leo, he thought, a damned and cursed thing to do, something that doomed Raph to heartbreak after heartbreak and Leo did his best to stem it, to control himself, but somehow it seemed like he always failed the ones he loved the most.

He’d failed them all, and now he had to face them. Sucking in a breath, Leo reached for the lever that retracted the bricks in the ingenious hidden door Don built for them. Beside him, Raph took a step forward, thrusting his hand into Leo’s and squeezing. The gesture prickled tears in the corners of his eyes and he sniffed, lifting his mate’s hand and brushing his lips over Raph’s knuckles before gathering his courage and opening the door that would lead him to his family.


End file.
